So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
