Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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