Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
