I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
