I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
