he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
