I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
