I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
