I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize