There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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