In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
