I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
