apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize