I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are leaves in my underwear?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
