He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
