How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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