i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
