If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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