also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just gargled with NyQuil
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
