He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
