people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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