he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
