he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And then he peed in my hair
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