New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
