I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
