gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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