i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize