VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
