she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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