ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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