why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
