how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize