saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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