just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
