Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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