I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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