Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
