so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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