I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
