I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
