This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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