if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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