I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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