When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
