haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
