I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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