If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
