Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
