So drunk its hurt
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
