We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
