that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
