I'm really into asian looking animals
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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