shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
