so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
