well I can't set my house on fire every night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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