sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize