All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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