it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
