I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
