so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
