they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
